Are you feeling anger or frustration towards people in your life?
Does the following situation sound familiar?
They say things that hurt deeply, whether or not they mean it, it still hurts.
This does not make you feel safe.
You don’t mean to get so upset… but you do, then you lash out, saying things you don’t mean or maybe you do but you wish you hadn’t said it.
This does not make them feel safe.
You can call it what you want… an argument, working things out, or just wanting to get your point across.
Disrespecting one another, not listening, making others hear your side.
This does not make people feel safe.
Who is at fault?
Each can justify and explain the behaviour away.
It doesn’t matter who is at fault or why.
It doesn’t promote an environment of safety, in fact if anything it creates an environment where abuse can exist.
We all have had to deal with people who were not fair, who were selfish, upset, or angry. You could have experienced this if you have been in relationships with people or are raising teenagers!
People who act in this way usually don’t see anything wrong with it. If you say anything in opposition they fast become the victims in the situation. They are the ones who feel they have been wronged.
If only you could have said…. or not have said…. or did it differently… or was more… or less!
It soon becomes a repeated pattern.
Tension builds up, then there is a blow up, then everyone’s sorry. A time of calm where everyone believes things are better now only to realise tension is yet again building up, only to repeat this cycle – the cycle of abuse.
Many people don’t know they are even pulled into this cycle which feels like being on a merry-go-round… they only feel the hurts each time.
How to break the cycle
It does break my heart to see people hurting one another in relationships. The patterns form early and slowly gets worse like a frog in hot water, they don’t realise the water is getting too hot until it’s too late to jump out. By the time you see it, you’re usually locked in… living together, engaged, married and/or already have kids together. Or maybe you have been friends for 20 years.
You may have made promises you don’t want to break.
You don’t want it to be your fault. Nobody wants to be the blame.
The one who makes a stand to stop, and learns better ways to relate, to learn to take responsibility for one’s own words, looks, and behaviours is the one who will stop the pattern in their own lives while keeping others accountable for their own actions, words, and attitudes.
That’s all we can do. We can only help ourselves. We can love and support others but ultimately, they need to take responsibility for their part.
Moving on to a happier life
The one who continues to blame, the one who can see the other’s faults and feels justified… who knows what the other must do, is the one continuing the abuse.
Most of the time nothing needs to be said. They don’t need to see it from your point of view. A lot of people are so stuck in their own viewpoint they don’t want to know yours or they can’t understand you, even if they wanted to.
There are ways to relate to anybody no matter what they say or how they say it. There is a whole new language system that is available to us where we can use our words that get your point across without causing anyone to feel unsafe.
To learn ways to break the cycle and live a happier life, book your place on the life-changing eCourse 12 Weeks to a Happier You